Shades of Gray

I’m no circus clown..

I’ve been noticing lately that my juggling skills aren’t quite up to par. Or maybe I have simply too many balls in the air to handle. But that’s med school for you, I suppose. 

You want to believe you can be just as good of a friend, and sister, and daughter, and roommate as you could in undergrad, while still maintaining a 4.0 GPA and active dating/social life. But honestly - I’m starting to believe it’s just not possible to do all those things. At least not if you want to do them all well. 

This weekend, I piled way too much on my plate. I made plans to spend time with my brother, sister & brother-in-law, and a few old friends while I was visiting my hometown. Saturday morning, I decided to work out. Then I thought I’d put away some dishes and clean up the house a bit as a surprise for my parents while they were at work. I figured I could squeeze a date in with this cute boy on Saturday, too- no big deal, right?  And after church on Sunday, I just had to catch up with the priest from my childhood parish and go out to lunch with my family. What little time was left over was spent cramming for the exam I had this morning. Oh, and don’t forget the 2 hour commute on Friday night and Monday morning.

So yes, by the looks of my weekend plans, I seem to be a very well-rounded person. But the thing that - quite simply - sucks about being a medical student is the fact that there is just no way to excel as a student and continue to give adequate attention to all those other areas of your life. You don’t have time for it all. So either I study all the time and get all As and totally rock my boards- or I continue to get mostly Bs, a few As, and maybe a C thrown in there while keeping my other relationships in tact. 

But even then - with the time somewhat evenly split between schoolwork and real life - I still feel like I can’t keep up. Because even though I’m taking time to spend with friends, family, and cute boys, my visits feel rushed. And it’s frustrating to get such mediocre grades (I am in medical school, after all. I didn’t get here by being satisfied with Bs in the past, so it’s difficult to accept now). 

I know it’s a common problem, and I shouldn’t even complain. At least I don’t have a husband and a family of my own to worry about. But still, I’m left with the question - should I dedicate more time to my schoolwork so I can excel academically, or do I continue to invest my time in staying a healthy, well-rounded person? Because yes, I will likely be able to relate to my patients a bit better than my fellow classmate who practically sleeps with his nose in a book. But honestly, he probably knows more about antibiotics and fungal pneumonia than I do at this point. So who will be the better physician?

Any med students out there who can relate?