Shades of Gray

Sorta feel like I should be proud of myself right now. But how can you be proud of something you wish you never had to accomplish?

Just trying to stay strong - but today it’s damn difficult. It’s almost comical to think back to earlier today - I was acting so dramatically, fuming about things that didn’t even matter. But now, now I remember what a real stressor feels like. Like a fucking blow to the head, complete with the little white spots left in your vision and the ringing in your ears. Dear God, I could’ve done without the reminder.

And yet, I survived- even as I watched one of my greatest fears become a reality. I’m still surviving, remembering to breathe in and breathe out. And that’s a far departure from where I’ve been in the past. 

But from every terrible experience is wisdom waiting to be discovered. So what sort of life lesson can I pass on to others from all this? What sort of insight have I gained from this hellacious day? 

Well, it’s certainly not that the things you fear aren’t, in reality, as bad as they may seem. Because sometimes they are. And it’s probably not that you can overcome any obstacle if you just try hard enough- because some things you just can’t do on your own.

The only lesson here is simply this — time heals. Keep living, and eventually, everything gets just a bit easier.